Four Reasons Why Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer is the Best Film You Will See This Year

(spoilers, but really, like you're ever going to see it)

1. Jessica Alba had lots to do as the only woman in the film. Like... whinge about how her wedding keeps getting interrupted by having to save the world. And not quite be able to hold up the London Eye (resulting in a nosebleed). And... be sensitive and the catalyst for the Silver Surfer not to kill them all because she reminds him of his shiny silver girlfriend back home. Oh, and die.

2. The villain was awesomely cool. I mean, what could be cooler than the shiny silver guy from Terminator 2, with Laurence Fishburne's voice (sounding a lot like Legion from Red Dwarf for all the geeks out there). ON A MAGIC SURFBOARD. (oh, except he's not actually the villain. The villain is really The Nothing from the Neverending Story.)

3. The bit at the end where Ioan Gruffudd (Hornblower! What happened to you!? You went all blah!!) looks around at downtown Shanghai, looks at poor eat-a-burger Jessica Alba and says "This gives me an idea". Cut to... them getting married... in Japan.

4. Julian McMahon's success-fat.